When
I first started this blog I set out with a very simple expectation. It wasn’t
to pontificate or expound upon the virtuous endeavors of being an artist, which
I’ll have you know is the most noxious form of self-flattery since those media
lampreys known as the Kardashians began roaming the earth. It also was never my
intention to build myself up into some literary purist… fighting the good fight
in the rising tide of superfluous and trite books about vampire teens, bipolar
werewolves, or whatever the hell else is popular these days. Sure, I have
nothing but contempt for several of the authors and their works that are
popular today. But hey, those on top are always the most envied and reviled.
No…
the whole point of this exercise was to open the curtains on my own personal
experience as a writer. And though most of my posts thus far have been short
story prose pieces highlighting emotional and psychological aspects of this
endeavor… I think it’s important that every now and then, I take a moment to
analyze and summarize what’s happening in my life and my career. After all,
this is as much a record for me as a glimpse for the reader.
The
idea for ‘Lost on the Page, Drowning in Words’ was one given to me by my close
friend and comrade, Jay. We had met up for drinks on a Friday night, both
frustrated and annoyed with our current circumstances. The two of us were stuck
in jobs we hated, living in a city that we really didn’t want to be in, and
trapped in the memory of the past. These factors, for me, had led to a creative
and emotional stagnation. I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t depressed, I wasn’t even
anxious. Instead, I was caught it a feeling of stasis: a numbing shroud had
been tossed over me, limiting my visions of the future and quieting the neural
disquiet that fuels my writing drive. Peace and quiet and complacency are the
toxins to my personal creativity… and I had fallen into that very gumption
trap.
It
was while I was expressing this feeling that Jay proposed the idea of ‘Lost on
the Page…”.
“Why
don’t you start a blog,” he suggested after we killed a round of shots. “Write
about being a writer, you know? Make it an in-depth look at your methods, your
thought process, all that stuff. And if anything, do it to keep yourself
writing while you’re stuck.”
I
toyed with the idea for days, considering the pros and cons of chronicling this
epically frustrating and yet intrinsically rewarding game. In the end, the
deciding factor was that, as Jay had said, I was stuck and this would get me
moving out of the muck. Thus, this online opus was born.
That
brings me to today. Honestly, not much has
changed since I began working on this: I still have yet to publish a book, I
haven’t yet gotten an agent, and I’m still pretty annoyed with my situation
right now. But, to see something positive… I have started writing again on a
daily basis. Currently I’m working on a new book, which is an unofficial
follow-up to my previous two manuscripts. For now, it’s entitled “Hell ‘n’
Hollywood” and it’s about… yup, you guessed it, a demon escaping Hell and
coming to Los Angeles. If anything, I guess it’s a pop-cultural satire laden
with mytho-folkloric references. That’s the main reason why I call it a
follow-up, as my last two books are also mytho-folkloric/supernatural comedies.
My
last book, “Workplace Depression”, was a lot of fun to write and the story
seemed to develop by itself. “Hell ‘n’ Hollywood” has done the same, and yet I
can’t seem to get into the same groove I did with ‘Workplace.’ There were
several days where I went on a frenzy, writing 20-30 pages over a 12 hour
period. With “Hell ‘n’ Hollywood” it’s been much slower. This could possibly
derive from the fact that the narrative is much more complex than the last
book. In this one, I switch between 1st person present tense to 3rd
person past tense, with interjections of 3rd person present and 1st
person past. Essentially, it’s all over the damn map. But once it all comes
together, I’m pretty sure it’ll be entertaining… unique if nothing else.
Other
than the book, I have a lot of other literary pursuits on the table. Aside from
trying to update this blog three times a week, we’re rapidly entering the
submission period for literary publications. Several years ago, when I was
still VERY green at this whole
writing/attempting-to-be-published game, I tried to have a few pieces picked up
by magazines. They were sophomoric and predictable… nothing particularly
remarkable about them.
Now,
however, I’ve definitely matured as a writer and grown into myself. I know what
I want to say and, for the most part, I know how to say it. I recently made the
acquaintance of a young woman in the publishing industry who happens to be a
friend of a friend. She gave me a great piece of advice on trying to get
published: the more accolades and recognition you have, the more appealing you
are to agencies and publishers. So I’ve decided to submit to as many online
literary publications as I can stand over the next few months. I’m even going
to dust off the old poetry/prose notebooks for a wide net of possibilities. I
can only hope that I can get a few pieces picked up and distributed so I can
build my brand, as the nefarious “THEY” say.
For
some time now, I have also been working collaboratively with my good friend and
usual partner in crime Charles. We met through a mutual friend and, over the
years, have had many discussions on writing until, one day… we were working on
the same bloody project! We both are bit unpredictable and prefer the odd and
unusual life as opposed to walking the median. As to which of us is the more
deranged, that’s still up in the air I think.
Our
first project, which started out as a single novel, has escalated
exponentially. After we started work on the book, we also decided to write a
pilot screenplay and a treatment for a whole damn season of the show. The only
hitch was that we changed things in the screenplay… so I, as the designated
scribe of the book, had to go back and alter the manuscript to match. But then
Charles, in an attempt to drive me closer to the edge of insanity, suggested we
expand the book from one to five. It took me several hours of psychotic wailing
and heavy drinking to cope, but ended up agreeing with him.
I
took a brief hiatus this summer, heading back east for much needed vacation
with family and friends. With me back in Los Angeles and getting into the
rhythm again… we’ll be starting up on that again. I look forward to doing so
because our collaborative work is pretty goddamn weird, depraved, and
entertaining.
From
the original idea, we’ve spider webbed out. There are now a whole lot of damn
projects we have on the docket, and we seem to keep raising the bar on
craziness and comedy. Hopefully one of us goons can get some notoriety so we
can start bringing these damn books to the masses!
This
has been a very strange year up till now. It has been an ever-spinning wheel of
ups and downs, great moments of jubilation and hours of discouraged
helplessness. Events occurred which blindsided me, shaking my world and moving
me into doubt and uncertainty. My longing to return to my home city has grown
fierce these past months, as is my need to be amongst the people who inspire me
most. But it was in the darkest of night where I realized that I wouldn’t quit.
To quote one of my favorites, Ernest Hemingway, “The world breaks everyone, and
afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” I keep up the fight because I
refuse to live the life less ordinary.
I know this is not
an easy game to play: publication these days is incredibly difficult to attain
and everyone and their mothers claim to be a writer. But there is also hope.
While I will never buy a Nook or Kindle or such, the digital age has, to some
effect, sidestepped the gatekeepers in publishing and opened the door to we the
anonymous. “Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and
effect.” I thank Ralph Waldo Emerson for that quote because I truly believe it.
I’m done being patient, waiting for my luck to change and give me a shot. No, I
need to take hold and assert myself to my fullest extend. I need to break my
back toiling to get by, only to come home and sit at my desk and get back to
work every damned day. After all, who needs sleep?
So that is where I
stand. At a crossroads, maybe… in the middle of nowhere, absolutely. But I also
stand resolute. And I know, urging forward and always trying to get better and
make more, I am not alone. I am lucky enough to have incredible people standing
beside me… shoulder to shoulder. I’m blessed with an amazing family that has
always been there (and whom I partially blame for my literary disposition!).
Though they are an unusual group, they are truly miraculous in their love,
support, and patience. I also have idiosyncratic mad-geniuses, waiting to
change the world, at the other end of a phone for late night banter about
writing and politics and sports. The crazy saints who are willing to scour the
night and every visible bar for the meaning of it all or simply just a good
time.
These are the
stories that I see every day. The flashes and glimpses of the world before me,
the remarkable people I’ve encountered and the images and moments that just
cannot be accurately captured in words. I write so that we can remember, and be
remembered in turn. I write because life itself is a story. And though we cannot
see the ending, we all add our own chapters to the narrative…
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